An old poem rediscovered...kinda fun

to see where I was and where I am today. This is probably about

8 years old. I found it while cleaning out some files.

Even though this isn’t information gleaned while in

meditation, I think I’d like to post it to show an

earlier part of my journey. At this

point in my life, I still grappled with the highs and lows

of life in a way that I don’t today.

Ok here it is:

I AM NOT

the mess I see around me

the frustration that from all over hits me

the moments, they subside

to free me of these turbulent tides

I AM NOT any emotion

so frustration and jubilation are not me

I am not to attach to any

but feel ALL wholly

If I attach to jolly times

I’m doomed to feel the folly crimes

that inevitably wait till I can’t see

their inappropriate chimes

I am feeling sick and tired of falling

for these same old troubled lines

The same sick punch-line rhymes

I say each time it’ll be my last

Now I say nothing

And allow it all to pass

I will feel worse again

worse worse worse

It’s a truth I hate to face

hence my attachment to pleasant tastes

So to heal all this I have to say,

Hey, they will all come back one day

I live on earth which goes around this way

But I came from heaven

whose ways stay above and calm for days

My awareness of this will leave again

As I’ve finally succumbed to understand

I am not enlightened this time

I will again fall

be tempted by it all

But I AM NOT any of this escapade

A mocking, biting, cruel and rude charade

A game I’m not in

but playing all the same.

Action speaks; single-pointed focus

Ok, ready set go! I’m feeling a ton better, so the rest was

definitely the right move.

What is really coming through in meditation is what I really

want to do in life. It will include the following: studying

and taking the GRE, applying for a PhD. program

in Psychology, and (this part was new for me)

teaming up with a physicist to write a book on the

science of healing (this all done eventually of course).

I’ve also gotten some immediate action items to do, which

I’ve already begun to put in action. One item is to contact

the American Cancer Society to volunteer and hopefully be

able to do meditation groups for them. I will go to a

Volunteer Orientation this Friday! Secondly, I have

repeatedly gotten the information to convert a cd I have of

a meditation group that I led into a MP3 file to be put on

my website as a free download. I need to recover the cd and

ask Daniel to help me do this. I have already put this

action item on his radar.

Tonight I attend a training to be a Counselor for Camp

COPE, and I have very positive feelings about this challenging

new job and opportunity.

Overall, I feel great. I am feeling increased energy and

focus from yoga. I am also being more mindful of the

foods I am eating (following a lot of instincts on food

choices, which have included more salads).

Overall, I feel I need to make things happen by

taking these action steps, because they feel right and ripe

with possibility.

Sometimes we are told to s l o w d o w n

Nothing too exciting to report, but it isn’t always about being exciting, right?

While in meditation the last few days, I have received the very strong sense of resting and not going out. It is very appropriate to mention that I have been nursing a scratchy throat and sniffles for the last few days.

So, I acted accordingly and cancelled my plans for the weekend, only doing a brief dinner outing on Saturday night, which I meditated on and got “clearance” on to go. This discipline of rest and saying “no” to plans is all paying off because today I feel almost 100%.

LESSON LEARNED: Listening to the body when it needs to rest and honoring that need by cancelling plans and watching the mind fight you on the perceived fun which you may be missing is not terribly interesting, but it is terribly essential to well-being and fun in future days.

That and soup, EmergenC, and Throat Coat tea also rock!!!

How I met my husband...I followed an instinct one-year earlier

The reason I’m doing this

blog is because whenever I listen to my internal voice, some call it wisdom or inspiration,

and act accordingly, my life is better than imaginable.

One of many examples is the following: Sometime in early

2005 I was sitting in meditation and heard that voice of

wisdom urge me to go to a cafe that I had heard about

before, but had never been to. Ok, fine I’ll go; seems

harmless enough. I went there that very day, when

apparently they were near closing, and there were no

other customers. Nonetheless, I felt drawn to

stay since again, something so

compelled me to go.

I sat down with my

laptop and began working on a project.

Then shortly after, the owner came up and we talked about art, amongst other

things. When he found out I was an artist he asked to

see my work. I just so happened to have some images on

my computer, so I showed him those. He immideately

asked if I wanted to have a show there, and I said “Sure,”

and “Thank you!” Fast forward several months later, I

had my show, and I don’t want to brag but it was

very successful. But wait, we’re

not done yet. Fast forward maybe about 6 months after the

show: It is January 18, 2006, and I go there one

afternoon for lunch with a bunch of

co-workers, and lo and behold our server is this really cute

guy who later becomes my husband. Exactly two years

from that meeting we had our rehearsal dinner at this

very cafe…and now, as I approach our two-year anniversary

I honor this idea of shutting up long enough to listen and

then to act, with the idea that

maybe just maybe, our internal life has more in store for

us than we may think, and that the seemingly innocent

ideas generated in silence

like “hey, go try this cafe” actually lead you beyond

your wildest dreams, all the way, to your bliss.