I feel/ I am

Whenever I begin working with clients (either individually or in groups), I often introduce one of my most favorite exercises, called "I feel/ I am." For me, this exercise is a classic. I have used it so many times, and I can't think of a time when it didn't work. It's that good! I also like it for its stand-alone capabilities (it's a great eye-opener in and of itself) AND it is also the perfect foundation exercise for doing deeper, more consciousness-building work down the road.

Needless to say, I'm a huge fan.

I learned about this exercise from a healer in New York named Sandra Robbins, who just so happens to be the lovely wife of Arthur Robbins, Ed.D. Arthur Robbins, affectionately known as "Art", is widely considered to be one of the most influential leaders in the field of Art Therapy. If you're interested, you can check out one of his many books at Jessica Kingsley Publishing.

But, getting back to Sandra: I was introduced to the "I feel/ I am" exercise in an elective class she taught on healing at Pratt Institute (the exact title of the class escapes me).

The objective of the exercise is to take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle of it (thus making 2 columns), and over the first column you write the heading "I FEEL" and over the second column you write "I AM."

Next, you begin writing under "I FEEL" whatever (and I mean whatever) you are feeling. This can be whatever you are feeling right in that very moment or whatever you have been feeling lately...basically whatever comes out...as they say, "don't think; just write!"

Then comes the more challenging part (usually, for most people): Under "I AM" you are asked to write down whatever is unchanging about you. This is who you are as a person, your core, your soul, i.e. that deeper stuff. In other words, our feelings are always coming and going; we are up and then we are down; this is how life goes. If we were to hang our hat, so to speak, on every feeling we had and claim it as our identity, then boy oh boy, we'd be in bad shape. If we are relatively healthy and not severely mentally ill, we don't do this. Our feelings can inform who we are, but they are not who we are.

So, ok then, we don't base our identity on our feelings, which are always in flux, so what then are we? That is the question and the contemplation on column #2: the "I AM" part.

Of course there is no one right answer to any of this. For me, as I've looked at this over the years, I find that my "I AM" part has gotten a lot simpler and speaks to my essence, not to any roles I have or functions I perform. So, it's not my ego, but it's something else. This is another reason the exercise is great. You can do it over and over again, and each time will reveal something different.

But, we are not done yet! What's useful about this list (and by the way, if you haven't already, I encourage you to grab a piece of paper and try it), is where you can go from this point.

Knowing that we are not our feelings is probably one of the most essential aspects of meditation. The observation of our feelings and of our mind is the cornerstone of meditation. We allow what is there to be there, and we accept and observe whatever is under the "I FEEL" column; and we can do that with whatever we have on our "I AM" side. The "I AM" will be different of course for everyone, as will the "I FEEL". However, one of the ways to think about the "I AM" is as the part of us that is unchanging, while the "I FEEL" part is the stuff that is always changing. Could we possibly see the words "Loving" or "Compassionate" or "Breathing" under this "I AM" list? Absolutely! And, aren't these the types of words akin to the kind of state that observes what is going on in the mind/body during meditation (or just in daily life)? Absolutely!

For so many people, the act of writing all of this down is a game changer. Then, to actually step back and see what you've written is by definition putting you in an observing state. To have what has been a murky and confused cluster of feelings suddenly appear in a manageable and organized manner that YOU put together is HUGE. To see not only the feelings, but also the "thing" that holds the feelings (the I AM) emerge as the healing, holding environment is sometimes the missing link, the connection, that has not been there before. I have seen this process take so many different shapes and forms, literally changing people's lives. It can be that profound.

And for others, just seeing that they have been completely merged with their feelings (mostly the painful and scary feelings) is another a-ha moment. There it is, all that stuff, written down right in front of them in their "I AM" column. I will often have the honor of people reading their lists to me. Often I hear the following: "I am depressed." or "I am nervous." In other words, I hear an "I FEEL" word in the "I AM" column. I feel a great deal of compassion for this part, and I will often take my pen at this point, (and with their permission) I will draw arrows interchanging the I FEEL and I AM columns. I then ask the question "Is it possible that you've merged too much with your feelings? Have you become your feelings?" "What it would be like to say "I feel anxious" or "I feel some fear" instead of "I am anxious" and "I am scared"? For many, this is the place where the real work begins.

I wanted to bring this up today because I go back to this exercise all the time in my daily life. Whenever moments of intense feelings come up, it is so ingrained in my mind to reframe the situation in these terms that thankfully, it has become second nature. Sometimes I even picture a piece of paper, with the line drawn down the middle, and say to myself "Ok, it's cool...this feeling of X is just how I'm feeling right now. This feeling is valid. It has a right to be here...BUT this is not who I am." That's the self-talk part, which leads so nicely into the being part: into my "I AM" state which holds all of me with love and acceptance. I can't tell you how much grief I've saved over the years just by having this practice in my life.

Thank you Sandra Robbins for introducing me to this life-changing, mind-shifting exercise and paradigm! I hope that, if you're reading this, you will take some time for yourself and try it. I hope you find it to be as useful in your own life, as I have in mine.

Till next time, be well.