Instincts and Stress

Letting stress dictate you is no way to live.

Lately I've been very guilty of this.

I will not continue that.

This is a very big, loud and clear message:

Come back to yourself.

No need to back peddle.

Listen.

And act accordingly.

Today

So much is happening. Changing.

But it is always this way.

Why don't we always feel it, or grab it, or make something come alive with it?

I don't know.

I do know that today was different.

It takes guts to feel things you are scared to feel.

It takes guts to make a decision about something that is not guaranteed.

It takes guts to stand firm by your convictions even when you are confronted.

All of that happened to me today.

All I can say is that today was a very good day.

I was scared. I was elated. I was opened.

This blog post came out sort of prosey-poemy...well, that's just what happened to me today.

Buddhism and the Law of Attraction--can these 2 be friends????

I recently returned from my 3-day Vipassana meditation retreat. I went to the Kaufman, TX center, which is conveniently located 40 miles outside of Dallas. The last time I went to experience a Vipassana course was back in 2003, where I spent 10 days at a center in Massachusetts. I figured 3 days would be no big deal, and a nice chance to get some uninterrupted silence and inner focus.

So, Vipassana....for those of you who don't know much about it, is the technique that the Buddha himself used to become enlightened and then subsequently taught. It is very precise, and not fun by any stretch. However, it is something beyond fun; it is a meticulous process which leaves you with a deeper sense of equanimity. As you watch the breath as it moves in specific parts of your body, you become aware of your mind as it jumps from aversion to craving and back again. The watching and the attention to breath are what allow you to just see things as they are, not as things we either crave or desire (which the Buddha says are the sources of misery).

The schedule at any Vipassana center is very structured. Every hour of the day is accounted for, and you basically are meditating all day. You wake up at 4 am and by 4:30 you are meditating all the way till 9 pm with breaks for breakfast and lunch (no dinner for those who are not beginners; however, you get tea at 5 pm) and some short breaks during the day.

You are also observing silence as well, which I particularly enjoy. You are not even to look at people directly in the eyes or acknowledge people with nods or hellos or anything like that. The idea here is that these gestures are distractions that not only cost us energy, but ultimately take our focus away from ourselves.

This method of meditation is slightly different from what I practice on my own, but it is very similar. It is a lot more precise and requires more focus. It is good discipline, and I appreciate the opportunity to increase my ability to concentrate with the Vipassana techniques. In the end, I left feeling like I experienced a deeper level of healing, got some interesting insights and truths about who I am, and I sharpened my mind. All very good stuff.

The ten day course I took in '03 was something quite magical, however, and I truly felt like a new person at the end of it, but this 3-day course was just perfect for me now.

Here is one thought I've been mulling over since my visit there: How do Vipassana and the Law of Attraction (LOA) work together , or do they?

I know I'm not the only person to raise this question, as I googled it before starting to blog and found other writings on the topic (of which I read two).

I am pretty convinced that the Buddha would not be a proponent of LOA as a way to manifest things in our lives. However, I think there are several ways LOA could "work" within a Buddhist perspective, but it takes some creative melding to make that happen.

Number one, perhaps the most vivid illustration as to why he wouldn't be a fan is his life itself. His early life was one of absolute wealth and privilege, his every desire manifested. He eventually broke free of this life, as he saw it could not produce true peace and happiness. The Buddha taught that true happiness is contentment from within.

However, the idea that our unconscious and conscious minds are dictating our reality is an idea the Buddha could get behind. The Buddha had a different idea as to how to deal with the mind, but both teachings, I feel, support the notion that our beliefs dictate how we experience life.

There is one central place where I feel Buddhism, or any meditation practice, can support LOA: The unconscious mind. Bottom line: you have to contend with the unconscious mind in some way. Let's not forget, the unconscious mind has a lot of stuff in it; and some of that could very well be taking you off of your goals without you even knowing it. In Vipassana, even though Buddha didn't call it "the unconscious", he did know you had to address the subtleties of the mind by witnessing the breath. I feel in order for LOA principles to actually work in a positive way (and that is what most people are after, aren't they?), it is imperative to have a meditation practice of some sort in place which can address the unconscious mind. The Buddha taught that by being present inside the body and attuned to one's natural breath, we can address and heal very deep sources of pain. This being the same kind of pain which can sabotage our best-laid plans.

The Buddha also spoke about dispassion, which is the opposite of getting excited and desiring a result. I've heard different views from LOA folks on this piece of the puzzle, which I think happens to be the most critical and sometimes not-talked about issue. I believe it is a fundamental aspect of mastering the LOA in a favorable way. If you remember from The Secret, you were instructed to get really excited about the thing you want to manifest, and hold that energy in you, and believe you currently have that thing you want. I would argue that this is not really going to work in most cases. Others that write about LOA also support this idea. For example, in my reading of Abraham-Hicks, they do not seem to support this notion of excitement either, but instead, a calm knowing and firm faith. The idea is that you will attract whatever you have in your mind and simply to trust that feeling. When we are coming from a trusting, faithful place, we are naturally calm and dispassionate. Also, if we are in a calm knowing state, we naturally are not craving, or attached to, an outcome. All of these are Buddhist teachings.

Another similarity is in having a present-moment focus. The Buddha was a firm proponent of staying present, and the LOA teachings also remind us to stay present as well. Present-moment awareness is key to being in a flow and connected to source energy.

So, in the end, if we can be relaxed and calm about our goals, in addition of course to being focused and taking action steps, I believe LOA and Buddhist teachings can co-exist. However, it is very easy for us to move from this place of equanimity and faith into something more rushed and fear-based. This is where I personally benefit from meditation as a tool to get me back into alignment with my highest self. I am at peace with my goals and don't want to renounce them, but it is extremely helpful for me to remember this Buddhist perspective as I move forward.

Till next time.

Law of Attraction Revisited

Since my last post, I have gone deeper into Law of Attraction practices. I have followed these teachings for a while, but this week I seem to have gone into a deeper place. I also picked up Jerry and Esther Hicks' The Law of Attraction as a companion.

In reading it, I got inspired to dust off my vision board from a couple of years ago! It now is out and about in the apartment. What a powerful shift--from staying in the closet to being prominently around in my home.

Still contemplating and receiving information on what the next phase of the business will be. Many thoughts...all just circulating around. Nothing concrete as of yet. Just letting the process guide me.

I also started back on some art making, which felt great.

This week I also submitted an article on art therapy for a book which will be published soon.

It is somewhat interesting to note the shift back towards art and writing right now...

Will be going to yoga later.

Looking forward to a great weekend!

Onward and upward!

Weekend Update

What a crazy weekend. In the end, an important weekend.

Crazy because now the business is in a totally different place. Sarah and I are not going to be partners after all, but she will be a consultant. That is a huge change. This was actually due to my bringing it up, but both she and I agreed that this is for the best. She and I are just at very different places in our lives, and the amount of time needed for this is just too big. I'm glad this is happening now and not later. Nothing is wasted. I will be forever grateful for all the input she has given and all the ways the business has grown and gotten stronger.

The question now is how will the business take shape? How will it play out? I have no clue. I have some thoughts and ideas, but really I'm in a holding pattern. I really don't know at all. This is a time that is requiring all of my faith. I am just certain that the right course will present itself to me. I just have to be patient. To be in the unknown with arms wide open is, of course, always challenging. I will just do the best I can.

I also had the honor and privilege of speaking to my mentor, Mary, today. I don't talk to her very much. I will talk to her maybe a few times a year. I try to be respectful and not call her a bunch, but whenever I do speak to her it is usually very important. She and I had been playing phone tag from a call I made to her about 2 weeks ago. We ended up speaking today. I asked her my question from 2 weeks ago, and I didn't exactly get the answer I was hoping to get. She reminded me of a few things which I will need to make sure I have under control (liability issues). Something which came to me after our call ended was that I wish Mary's wisdom was known to more people. I don't always see it her way, but I value her tremendously. She is very private and her work is only given to a certain amount of people. She wants it this way. She designs it this way. She has her reasons for doing it this way, and I respect all of that.

I also encountered a person from my past (about 15 years ago) who tried to engage in old drama, which of course I don't need. I realized over the weekend how grateful I am that I have some great friends and good people in my life. I don't allow people to treat me badly, so whenever someone comes back in and does something weird, I usually nip it really quickly because it's just not something I have in my life. I'm truly lucky and blessed. I have goodness around me. These things help me put boundaries down when needed. I only want people in my life that treat me well and love me; that's all that really anyone wants.

I also witnessed some bad behavior this weekend too, which was just another added element to my own situation. I won't say too much here, but just that a friend (not a close friend but still a friend) is being treated badly by her boyfriend. She deserves so much better and is minimizing his emotional and verbal abuse. I am doing what I can...it's a delicate situation.

Well, change is in the air. I need to embrace it all. See where the chips fall. However, I still need to keep my head up and pointed in the direction of my goals. That I believe will be key: to be open yet intentioned. We'll see what happens.

Oh, and one funny part to end on...cuz this is just too good: Daniel went to a restuarant/ bar in Virgina Beach today called The Jewish Mother. When I told my mom, she was tickled. I thought that was cute. He said it's like a cross between a Jewish deli and House of Rock. Awesomeness.

Till next time.

Quarterly Meeting

Notables:
1. Sarah and I came up with our company name: Inspired Wellness Solutions.
(For those of you who don't know, we are forming a wellness company.)
2. Launching our first pilot program in the very near future with a business--lots to get done before then---but let me just add here that lots and lots has been done already...our 12-week program is all set and outlined.
3. Been researching web designers and logo designers; been writing copy for website; thinking and studying, etc. etc.
4. Continuing to read Laura Day's book and feeling very connected with the future and getting great information on who I need to be in order to pull all of this off....quite exciting....and revealing.
5. Exercising and following my own plan...loving it and realizing how much I don't love it when I don't keep to it...connects me to what we're doing with the business in a more profound way.
6. Just ran Beach to Bay Relay Marathon with multiple injuries but had a great time. Can't run on my foot now...tried to today but will need to lay off of it for a while I think. Have decided to do a Half Marathon this fall.
7. Completed the 3 meditation recordings and have begun getting feedback. So far, overall positive. One comment was way too funny to repeat here.

That's it for now.

March Gladness

Abraham-Hicks:

What can be more exhilarating than to find a dream from the contrast, to fixate on the dream and let it give you pleasure as it grows—then watch Law of Attraction bring it into manifestation? Does it get any better than that? You didn't think so as you made the decision to come forth into these physical bodies. You said, "This is the best time in all eternity for a Creator to Create."

I love that.

As I move forth with this blog's intention, it seems to get easier and easier to live in that kind of state.

What's really cool is how the universe has aligned to meet me there.

Here are just a few of the significant happenings that have manifested to my great delight and surprise:

1. I've found a business partner to take my meditation and wellness business to the next level. It is truly amazing how this has happened. I don't want to fully describe it here now, but I will soon. Suffice it to say that in January when I set out to do this blog and had just a glimmer of an idea, it has transformed in the most amazing way than I could have imagined 3+ months ago. In January, I had no knowledge of the possibility of a partner. Now that idea is so obviously the right one.

2. I got to take a very important journey somewhere that was unplanned and unexpected. Again, seemingly out of nowhere did this happen. It seemed to "fall in my lap."

3. I have a new personal fitness goal. Pictures to follow....later....much later!

So, I say all of this just to illustrate the power of the opening quotation. All I'm doing is staying very consistent on my dream/ my goal. I'm working on it and researching it daily. With that attention, I seem to get a turbo boost from somewhere else...as if what is happening is due to the energy I'm making more than anything else.

I will wrap up by saying one last thing:

Do not neglect the dream. The dream is why we're here.

Mentorship is a gift we give and receive

I am writing on mentorship today as part of a "call for posts" that Holly Hoffman put out to the blogging community.

Basically, we are asked to write anything we'd like on the topic of mentorship. So, here goes it:

Mentors

I have, and have had, a ton of people that I look up to and from whom I have received remarkable wisdom and guidance through the years. I am eternally grateful to all of them.

What I find very striking is the timing of this "call to post" from Holly.

Just today (March 1, 2010), I joined a group of 7 other individuals and a life coach to work for an entire year on making our dreams come true. Certainly, we have our coach that we can all draw from, but then we will also all have each other. We meet via teleconference every 2 weeks for the next year (March 1, 2011). I get to learn from their struggles and triumphs, and they will get to do the same with me. Today was our first meeting, and I could not help but think that perhaps I have a team of "mentors-in-the-making" right in front of me. Wow, pretty cool, huh?

The other aspect of this "interesting timing"is that 2 days from now will mark the 2nd year anniversary of my father's passing. My father, Harry Lewis Marks, was not only a remarkable man and mentor for me, but he was also a mentor for so many people he knew. My mother, brother, and I were all blown away by how many people wrote us letters after his death and told us just how meaningful knowing my father was to them.

Today I celebrate mentorship. Mentorship is a gift we give and receive.

Networking as Spiritual Leap-frogging

Wow.

What a great couple of weeks.

I'm continuing to feel like I'm in a great flow. Meeting some awesome people who have asked me to work with them in some capacity--either with counseling, entrepreneurial ventures, or writing articles.

This has been largely due to networking.

Ahhh, networking.

This word can definitely trigger some responses. Often, when people hear the word "networking" there is a slight disdain or a negative reaction. Sometimes you hear people say "Oh, I'm no good at networking." I have to admit, in the past I fell into this camp.

It seemed to me that there was just something slightly dirty in it--like people were just trying to get something out of an interaction for themselves. You can't live in today's world with out networking, though, so like most people I just adapted to it in a way that felt comfortable to me.

However, what is happening for me now is so totally different. My networking is more aligned with who I am, and it just feels like I'm meeting new people in a natural way. I really credit this blog, and my intention to be guided by intuitive action, as the reason for this paradigm shift.

To take it one step further, I realized that networking can also be a spiritual phenomenon. Really, why not? It's not separate from anything else.

This occurred to me the other night after I left an event. I was talking with my friend, who I invited to join me, and she asked me how I was invited and how I knew the people involved. I had to really retrace my steps to remember who led me there. It turns out that there were four degrees of separation between my first contact and the person who invited me. I was leap-frogging from one person to the next in a very organic fashion.

When we are in sync with who we are and where we need to be, we meet the people we need to meet. Networking is about growing, expanding, listening, and taking action.

Viva la network!

Listening to myself

What life has been like lately: Major inner work and being moved by a handful of very conscious and giving people.

But first a quick update: A couple of posts ago I spoke about my relationship with food and in particular my liassez faire attitude about it on the weekends. Since then, I'm happy to say that I've been much more conscious and consequently, more healthy in my diet over the weekend. All is good. It just took an awareness and then a commitment. I have still indulged here and there but have done nothing that has felt bad. Again, I believe it is healthy to have a range of foods and also to treat oneself from time to time.

Overall, I've been more attuned to my intuition over the last couple of weeks. The intention of this blog was to live in accordance with my intuition and to take appropriate, intuition-based action steps. Consequently, I've been amazed at how much better I've become at living from this place, and also how I've been led to some amazing mentors and guides. I didn't necessary expect this, but it certainly makes sense given my attention to it and practice.

I've been taking small action steps just about every day towards my goals and dreams. Tomorrow I will be having a second meeting with a Hospice agency which I hope will yield a positive outcome. I've also put a number of feelers out to other organizations to provide meditation consultations/ workshops.

The long and short of it: I'm doing what I said I would be doing with this blog, and it feels good. It feels like this is what life is meant to be like. Sure, there are frequent growing pains and an ongoing set of unconscious maladaptive patterns that lurk underneath all my efforts. When I feel these come up, I just reframe the situation and self-talk my way back to my intention. New habits can replace the old. This is just part of being human.

Till next time, be well.

I feel/ I am

Whenever I begin working with clients (either individually or in groups), I often introduce one of my most favorite exercises, called "I feel/ I am." For me, this exercise is a classic. I have used it so many times, and I can't think of a time when it didn't work. It's that good! I also like it for its stand-alone capabilities (it's a great eye-opener in and of itself) AND it is also the perfect foundation exercise for doing deeper, more consciousness-building work down the road.

Needless to say, I'm a huge fan.

I learned about this exercise from a healer in New York named Sandra Robbins, who just so happens to be the lovely wife of Arthur Robbins, Ed.D. Arthur Robbins, affectionately known as "Art", is widely considered to be one of the most influential leaders in the field of Art Therapy. If you're interested, you can check out one of his many books at Jessica Kingsley Publishing.

But, getting back to Sandra: I was introduced to the "I feel/ I am" exercise in an elective class she taught on healing at Pratt Institute (the exact title of the class escapes me).

The objective of the exercise is to take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle of it (thus making 2 columns), and over the first column you write the heading "I FEEL" and over the second column you write "I AM."

Next, you begin writing under "I FEEL" whatever (and I mean whatever) you are feeling. This can be whatever you are feeling right in that very moment or whatever you have been feeling lately...basically whatever comes out...as they say, "don't think; just write!"

Then comes the more challenging part (usually, for most people): Under "I AM" you are asked to write down whatever is unchanging about you. This is who you are as a person, your core, your soul, i.e. that deeper stuff. In other words, our feelings are always coming and going; we are up and then we are down; this is how life goes. If we were to hang our hat, so to speak, on every feeling we had and claim it as our identity, then boy oh boy, we'd be in bad shape. If we are relatively healthy and not severely mentally ill, we don't do this. Our feelings can inform who we are, but they are not who we are.

So, ok then, we don't base our identity on our feelings, which are always in flux, so what then are we? That is the question and the contemplation on column #2: the "I AM" part.

Of course there is no one right answer to any of this. For me, as I've looked at this over the years, I find that my "I AM" part has gotten a lot simpler and speaks to my essence, not to any roles I have or functions I perform. So, it's not my ego, but it's something else. This is another reason the exercise is great. You can do it over and over again, and each time will reveal something different.

But, we are not done yet! What's useful about this list (and by the way, if you haven't already, I encourage you to grab a piece of paper and try it), is where you can go from this point.

Knowing that we are not our feelings is probably one of the most essential aspects of meditation. The observation of our feelings and of our mind is the cornerstone of meditation. We allow what is there to be there, and we accept and observe whatever is under the "I FEEL" column; and we can do that with whatever we have on our "I AM" side. The "I AM" will be different of course for everyone, as will the "I FEEL". However, one of the ways to think about the "I AM" is as the part of us that is unchanging, while the "I FEEL" part is the stuff that is always changing. Could we possibly see the words "Loving" or "Compassionate" or "Breathing" under this "I AM" list? Absolutely! And, aren't these the types of words akin to the kind of state that observes what is going on in the mind/body during meditation (or just in daily life)? Absolutely!

For so many people, the act of writing all of this down is a game changer. Then, to actually step back and see what you've written is by definition putting you in an observing state. To have what has been a murky and confused cluster of feelings suddenly appear in a manageable and organized manner that YOU put together is HUGE. To see not only the feelings, but also the "thing" that holds the feelings (the I AM) emerge as the healing, holding environment is sometimes the missing link, the connection, that has not been there before. I have seen this process take so many different shapes and forms, literally changing people's lives. It can be that profound.

And for others, just seeing that they have been completely merged with their feelings (mostly the painful and scary feelings) is another a-ha moment. There it is, all that stuff, written down right in front of them in their "I AM" column. I will often have the honor of people reading their lists to me. Often I hear the following: "I am depressed." or "I am nervous." In other words, I hear an "I FEEL" word in the "I AM" column. I feel a great deal of compassion for this part, and I will often take my pen at this point, (and with their permission) I will draw arrows interchanging the I FEEL and I AM columns. I then ask the question "Is it possible that you've merged too much with your feelings? Have you become your feelings?" "What it would be like to say "I feel anxious" or "I feel some fear" instead of "I am anxious" and "I am scared"? For many, this is the place where the real work begins.

I wanted to bring this up today because I go back to this exercise all the time in my daily life. Whenever moments of intense feelings come up, it is so ingrained in my mind to reframe the situation in these terms that thankfully, it has become second nature. Sometimes I even picture a piece of paper, with the line drawn down the middle, and say to myself "Ok, it's cool...this feeling of X is just how I'm feeling right now. This feeling is valid. It has a right to be here...BUT this is not who I am." That's the self-talk part, which leads so nicely into the being part: into my "I AM" state which holds all of me with love and acceptance. I can't tell you how much grief I've saved over the years just by having this practice in my life.

Thank you Sandra Robbins for introducing me to this life-changing, mind-shifting exercise and paradigm! I hope that, if you're reading this, you will take some time for yourself and try it. I hope you find it to be as useful in your own life, as I have in mine.

Till next time, be well.

Here comes a very honest moment.

I knew when I undertook this blog there would be times when the advice spoken in hushed murmurs in my most quiet times would not necessarily jive so well with my egoic self. You know, that self that wants to run as far from that voice and avert the truth and be in denial sometimes? You know, that self that wants this blog just to be pretty and polished and not at all exposing of who I am at a given moment. Ya, that's the one.

Herein lies this very honest moment.

Lately I've been getting the very real sense in meditation that I'm doing something akin to "one step forward/ two steps back" when it comes to my health and wellness.

What's been happening is this: I take what I consider to be pretty good care of myself during the week. I am mindful of what I eat most of the time and I have a very regular yoga and meditation practice. I feel great overall. Then....dun-de-dun-dun-dun....the weekend rolls around and I "give myself permission" to be a little naughty in not caring too much about what I eat. I have equated "permission" with "fun" and I seem to abandon most of all my weekly practices. I'm not saying that I'm just this crazy-eating-machine or something, but I just make poorer choices in what I select. It's worth noting that I have been very moderate in my drinking during the weekend, though, so it really is not about the alcohol, but mainly the food.

I have been operating under this sort of "80/20" philosophy which basically says that as long as I'm eating well 80% of the time, the other 20% don't matter so much. I have nothing against this philosophy, but there is a very real downside to it which is where I find myself exploring right now. If 80% is the goal, you're only going to arrive at 80%. I know that when I was in school, 80% was really pretty mediocre. Do I want to live at 80%, especially when 5 days out of the week I feel close to 100%? Why blow it all on the weekend?

It's fine to enjoy rich foods and enjoy foods you know you can't eat every day. I am very ok with that. I actually feel it is very healthy to allow yourself to do that from time to time and in moderation. What I'm not ok with is the lack of mindfulness that sometimes goes along with this.

Basically, I need to reign it in some...that's the message. I will feel better and really that is the bottom line. I know what to do. Again, it's just about mindfulness and listening. It's not to say I can't eat any of "that food" over the weekend, it's just about listening to my body and trusting that, like everything else, the right choice is there for me in every moment. I just have to pay attention and act accordingly.

That just feels right.

So, that is the message. That is my own best advice: heard in silence and written today on this blog.

Now, the fun part: practice!

I will keep you updated.

Till next time.

This action thing is starting to roll...

Two blog posts ago I spoke about action. Moving through some discomfort, last week I made myself do several key things that I already feel are paying dividends. Namely, I am learning to embrace that scary feeling and go with it more. Let's face it, isn't it uncomfortable to move outside of your comfort zone, and to go one step further even, and embrace this discomfort as a lifestyle? Perhaps it becomes a certain kind of comfortable then? Nonetheless, I feel that I am on an actual roll right now. It feels very good, somewhat akin to that moment when you realize all your exercising has become a good feeling, the norm, and not this thing that you are burdened by doing. However, I have to be completely frank, this feeling just started happening today.

Here are the three seeds that I planted last week which have all coincidentally manifested today (strange!):

1. I followed up with two contacts in the Dallas area who were generated from friends (key to note that I did not know these people at all, but asked around enough to the people I did know to generate two viable contacts for job leads). I had a lunch meeting with one of these people today. It went very well and there are plans for a second meeting with two more people.
2. I made plans to talk with the second contact on Monday (she happens to be sick with the flu right now).
3. I registered myself for a free teleseminar with Cristine Kane, a professional business coach (http://www.uplevelyourlife.com/). For 1.5 hours this evening, I listened to her speak in a wonderful, authentic voice about connection and "upleveling" your business (as opposed to always looking for the upshot...the one big "a ha", sale, or thing).

She said many things which made a lot of sense, and I am eager to put a few more of my own thoughts into action.

As I process her call, I am left with these ideas:
A couple of blogs ago I spoke about this free download that I want to put up on my website, and guess what, I haven't done it yet.

But guess what will get done by tomorrow...that!

This idea of giving things away for free as a service is very important. Cristine talked a lot about this. It is about connection; and from this, all other things will grow, including the business.
I would like to do some free meditation workshops and have had this thought many times before, but tonight something clicked, and I will make it happen . I will then have in place my free download on my site, so I can direct people there after I meet them for the free sessions. She also spoke about generating a mailing list and doing that by offering some sort of a drawing at my event. The drawing could be to win a certain amount of private meditation sessions with me, and with that I can thank them for signing up by letting them know that they will be contacted and directed to the free download.

She spoke about a weekly email to your mailing list as a way to build trust with people. This made a lot of sense to me too, as opposed to sending out a random email every couple of months or something. Of course, who trusts that??

I feel very good about this evening's teleseminar and feel I have enough to go on for a while. I took notes while I listened, and I plan to go back and review them later.

OOOH, the power of the brainstorm: One last action item: I will contact my friend Gretchen, a yoga teacher in Corpus who used to live here in Dallas, and see which yoga centers she could recommend I talk to about my meditation services. Guess what I'll be doing next...yep, you guessed it!

Till next time...

An old poem rediscovered...kinda fun

to see where I was and where I am today. This is probably about

8 years old. I found it while cleaning out some files.

Even though this isn’t information gleaned while in

meditation, I think I’d like to post it to show an

earlier part of my journey. At this

point in my life, I still grappled with the highs and lows

of life in a way that I don’t today.

Ok here it is:

I AM NOT

the mess I see around me

the frustration that from all over hits me

the moments, they subside

to free me of these turbulent tides

I AM NOT any emotion

so frustration and jubilation are not me

I am not to attach to any

but feel ALL wholly

If I attach to jolly times

I’m doomed to feel the folly crimes

that inevitably wait till I can’t see

their inappropriate chimes

I am feeling sick and tired of falling

for these same old troubled lines

The same sick punch-line rhymes

I say each time it’ll be my last

Now I say nothing

And allow it all to pass

I will feel worse again

worse worse worse

It’s a truth I hate to face

hence my attachment to pleasant tastes

So to heal all this I have to say,

Hey, they will all come back one day

I live on earth which goes around this way

But I came from heaven

whose ways stay above and calm for days

My awareness of this will leave again

As I’ve finally succumbed to understand

I am not enlightened this time

I will again fall

be tempted by it all

But I AM NOT any of this escapade

A mocking, biting, cruel and rude charade

A game I’m not in

but playing all the same.

Action speaks; single-pointed focus

Ok, ready set go! I’m feeling a ton better, so the rest was

definitely the right move.

What is really coming through in meditation is what I really

want to do in life. It will include the following: studying

and taking the GRE, applying for a PhD. program

in Psychology, and (this part was new for me)

teaming up with a physicist to write a book on the

science of healing (this all done eventually of course).

I’ve also gotten some immediate action items to do, which

I’ve already begun to put in action. One item is to contact

the American Cancer Society to volunteer and hopefully be

able to do meditation groups for them. I will go to a

Volunteer Orientation this Friday! Secondly, I have

repeatedly gotten the information to convert a cd I have of

a meditation group that I led into a MP3 file to be put on

my website as a free download. I need to recover the cd and

ask Daniel to help me do this. I have already put this

action item on his radar.

Tonight I attend a training to be a Counselor for Camp

COPE, and I have very positive feelings about this challenging

new job and opportunity.

Overall, I feel great. I am feeling increased energy and

focus from yoga. I am also being more mindful of the

foods I am eating (following a lot of instincts on food

choices, which have included more salads).

Overall, I feel I need to make things happen by

taking these action steps, because they feel right and ripe

with possibility.

Sometimes we are told to s l o w d o w n

Nothing too exciting to report, but it isn’t always about being exciting, right?

While in meditation the last few days, I have received the very strong sense of resting and not going out. It is very appropriate to mention that I have been nursing a scratchy throat and sniffles for the last few days.

So, I acted accordingly and cancelled my plans for the weekend, only doing a brief dinner outing on Saturday night, which I meditated on and got “clearance” on to go. This discipline of rest and saying “no” to plans is all paying off because today I feel almost 100%.

LESSON LEARNED: Listening to the body when it needs to rest and honoring that need by cancelling plans and watching the mind fight you on the perceived fun which you may be missing is not terribly interesting, but it is terribly essential to well-being and fun in future days.

That and soup, EmergenC, and Throat Coat tea also rock!!!

How I met my husband...I followed an instinct one-year earlier

The reason I’m doing this

blog is because whenever I listen to my internal voice, some call it wisdom or inspiration,

and act accordingly, my life is better than imaginable.

One of many examples is the following: Sometime in early

2005 I was sitting in meditation and heard that voice of

wisdom urge me to go to a cafe that I had heard about

before, but had never been to. Ok, fine I’ll go; seems

harmless enough. I went there that very day, when

apparently they were near closing, and there were no

other customers. Nonetheless, I felt drawn to

stay since again, something so

compelled me to go.

I sat down with my

laptop and began working on a project.

Then shortly after, the owner came up and we talked about art, amongst other

things. When he found out I was an artist he asked to

see my work. I just so happened to have some images on

my computer, so I showed him those. He immideately

asked if I wanted to have a show there, and I said “Sure,”

and “Thank you!” Fast forward several months later, I

had my show, and I don’t want to brag but it was

very successful. But wait, we’re

not done yet. Fast forward maybe about 6 months after the

show: It is January 18, 2006, and I go there one

afternoon for lunch with a bunch of

co-workers, and lo and behold our server is this really cute

guy who later becomes my husband. Exactly two years

from that meeting we had our rehearsal dinner at this

very cafe…and now, as I approach our two-year anniversary

I honor this idea of shutting up long enough to listen and

then to act, with the idea that

maybe just maybe, our internal life has more in store for

us than we may think, and that the seemingly innocent

ideas generated in silence

like “hey, go try this cafe” actually lead you beyond

your wildest dreams, all the way, to your bliss.